Peridot Meets a Meme
by Lunaculus
Summary: Peridot meets a bee. Needless to say she freaks out. Crackfic Oneshot
A/N: I've had this idea for a while. Obviously the best time to make it happen is after an all-nighter, three cups of coffee and a can of energy drink. Forgive me lord for I am incredibly tired and I have memed.

This is probably the laziest damn thing I've ever written.

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According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Yet there those tiny yellow and black creatures were, flying all around the flower filled field with no worries about how they were breaking the laws of physics. Peridot hadn't thought much of the buzzing spikebutts at first, mainly because she hadn't been lucky enough to encounter one earlier. Well, to be specific, yes. She had seen one, if an animated character with a celebrity voice counted as an encounter. Steven had shown it for her a couple days ago and she, quite frankly, had enjoyed the movie quite a lot. How on Earth would a relationship between a bug and a human work? She could see the potential, of course, but the dynamic between those two completely different species was a little bizarre to say the least. And what was the point of a stinger as a defense mechanism if using the weapon would kill the one trying to defend themselves?

"It beats the purpose", she mumbled to herself grumpily as she glared at the group of bees from afar, from her hiding place in the bushes.

Yet somehow both the shipping and the poorly designed weapon were lame and uninteresting compared to the other things that bothered the green Crystal Gem.

"What are you doing, Peridot?"

The voice of the human child startled the alien slightly and she jumped at the boy out of instinct, pulling him into the bush with her. Steven let out a surprised yelp but was quickly silenced by his green friend as she held her hand on his mouth.

"They'll notice us if we don't stay quiet", Peridot hissed quietly and shot a fast, scared glance at the bees. Oh good. They were still safe.

"Mmph mphii?" Steven asked, his words muffled by the alien's hand.

"The supreme overlords of this puny planet."

Struggling free from his restraints, Steven gasped for air and peeked over Peridot's shoulder to see what she was rambling about.

"You mean the mayor?"

"...what is this 'mayor' you speak of?" Peridot demanded. "Is that what you call the bee leaders? I thought they were called 'queens'."

"...sooooo you're spying on a bunch of bees?"

The slight hesitation in Steven's voice infuriated Peridot greatly. Did that brat not realize that their whole planet's fate was in the hands of those little creatures? With slightly more aggression than she should have, Peridot grabbed Steven by the collar and pulled him close.

"They seem so small and insignificant but it's all a fraud. They're disguised like that. They want you to think they're harmless when really they are in charge of everything. They're fearless warriors who sacrifice their lives in combat."

The alien's eyes were wide, something that would have most likely been comical if it hadn't been for the fact that she was right at his face. Steven hadn's seen her that upset since back when she had called Yellow Diamond a clod. And it was somewhat terrifying.

"...Peridot, you're scaring me."

"I'm scaring you? I'M scaring you? I'm not the one ruling over the whole ecosystem of an entire planet from the shadows! They are! One wrong move and they could kill us all! And don't test them – they will do it! They don't fear death. They have nothing to lose. They're 100% loyal to their queen and if the queen decides we need to die, we will all die!"

She was shaking him from the shoulders. Steven flinched and for a moment he didn't know how to respond. With some effort he managed to break free from her grip and back away.

"They're just bugs. They don't want to harm us as long as we don't harm them."

"That's what they want you to think!" Peridot almost screamed. "They don't care about peace treatys! They don't even care about the laws of physics! The moment we turn our backs to them they'll destroy us all!"

Taking a couple deep, hasty breaths, Peridot nervously scratched her head and bit her lip.

"...we must get on their good side."

"Peridot, I don't think-"

"Don't worry, Steven. I'll negotiate with their leader for your safety. I mean their community must know of the Cluster as well. All we need to do is assure them that they need us to help them terminate the Cluster and they might just spare us."

"Do you think the bees can help us defeat the cluster?"

"Of course they can! They rule the whole ecosystem, after all. I'm sure they can help us with their superior knowledge. I'll be the ambassador. I just need to find a way not to seem threatening to them."

"Oooookayyyy. Good luck with that."

Steven ran away before the green gem made him listen to any more of her rambles. Peridot got stung by the bees several times that day.

Steven decided to never show Peridot movies again.


End file.
